Up and watering flowers after Curves in the morning. Off to a hair appointment, then a long and challenging and very good lunch visit, followed by another quick visit, a return home to talk drywall and ceiling repair. Thinking and reading and writing…and talking/visiting with someone else later….
It’s been a full day.
Tomorrow is looking that way, too. Mostly, because I really enjoy all the things I’m doing/involved with. I came back home to a house of talking girls. One was tired and grumpy- but talking, and the others were chatty on their way to walk Radar. I like the sound of life.
But then I got a hug from my middle girl and she was holding the little soft wolf Loren bought me just a few months ago….and… I ….miss him. As glad as I am that life is so full, a piece of it is missing because he’s gone. I don’t think my tiredness is just from busyness. It just takes energy to heal. I’m not used to breathing solo yet. Don’t get me wrong. I AM healing….and not just hurting.
Sometimes I am a bit demanding of myself….for instance….
I don’t like to walk away from challenges, questions, or fears. I make myself walk right into them. Sometimes it reminds me of the feeling I had as a girl that just HAD to go outside and stand in snowstorms and feel the wind blowing her around- or go for a walk in a thunder storm and wade through stopped –drained streets in ankle deep puddles. That was just exhilaration from the storms. Sometimes it’s just determination not to be bested by fear. And questions….now how on earth would I….someone with millions of questions…feel good about walking away from someone else’s questions? I don’t like to walk away from challenges without attempting a solution.
But I forget that I don’t always have enough sleep, enough time, or enough energy for all of these things. I forget that timing is STILL important even though time has upside down meaning these days.
What then? I must go back to trust. I am safe. I am loved. If I truly want to know or do what’s right- it will come to me. And if I get it wrong, I can get up again.
Breathing solo? No, not really. God Himself, and all His people, breathe along with me.