I have been re reading old posts. Posts that are grateful, posts that are wise, posts that are sad…..and posts that speak of a commitment to feel it all, be it all, and be honest about it.
This time has been one of the hardest so far. The reality of being single, of having flown kids and having to carry the load of the house has been overwhelming. I have been irritable, angry, frustrated and feeling unloved. (Maybe not that surprising- given the 3 other descriptors). There have been blow ups. There has been overwhelming regret.
It has been a very dark road and things that matter most to me- like – love being evident- have seemed lost.
This too is a stage of grief….depression, a sense of hopelessness. Yet I can recognize it as a stage. It must be felt- not pushed down or hidden. It must be felt- and it is horrible. But if it is a stage, then it doesn’t have to be permanent. There will be an end to it. There is comfort in that.
In the midst of this have been the concerned calls and intermittent presence of some friends. I know there is family praying. Thank you.
The paths ahead have gates , they work, it’s true.
But one of them is pil-ed high with snow
The other door can open and there’s room
To travel maybe one foot, two or so
The last gate’s path is cleared both in and out
And, surely, this one ought to let me go
But o’er its base does lie a frozen grout
Inch thick with ice- no one can to or fro.
Sometimes you just have to wait for spring.