Some of you are wondering about how 'firsts' are going. I don't really think of life like that - at least - not right now. Gimli - and Loren had been shared experiences...but Gimli was still Gimli and family was still family. And the residual sob that catches me sometimes when I wake - is the same at home as it is here.
It has been a gentle and protected grief so far. But storms aren't out of the question. You know what? Storms have a fierce power and beauty all their own. They shake the earth and make it ready to grow.
I know the author of storms and I am safe in their midst. I am loved and safe right in the midst.
Branches may bust off, maybe even crash down on me, but what is pain but a moment? Can it erase love?
Strong winds may deafen and howl, but can they stop up that still small Voice?
Rains, e'en tears, may wash out and flood, but I am fixed on a rock that can't move.
Breath may not last - but Love never fails. Even if I do -Love won't.
-felicia at Gimli July 3, 2010
My mind has been considering nursing and education again...I guess it wants to chomp on something! I suppose I am getting all pernickety in order to rally courage for more challenges.
However, I am wanting to go back to work in September. First there is a summer of recuperation - even if it's not exactly always slow.
The weekend in Gimli was wonderful. Sun, storms, rain, cloud, water! These refresh me. Family and laughter and soulful times....these restore me. Was it hard without Loren? Not as you might expect. I don't think about everything as a first. I miss Loren when I am my most tired- or when there is a poignant family moment we would have shared....but the quiet times- when it would have just been us- those are the times I feel it strongest.
Laughter with friends and family? It's like he's there!
I think I will pass on boot camp for July and let myself go a little bit slower. It's a delicate balance, life. Between seizing each day and holding it loosely. Loren's quick passing has shown me the shortage of time.
My faith tells me that trust is essential for peace. To be purposeful and determined but not demanding is something to be discovered as I journey.
Good night all,