Loren & Felicia

Loren & Felicia

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Romantic Rome as a Widow

When I woke I did so with my usual (non-pain) joy to face the day. I did have some slight pain, but I should have enough medicine to last now. 

There is some bitter-sweetness. Such beautiful nights make me long for romance and while it would have been nice to share these with Loren, we did have many beautiful memories. I can still feel excitement and pleasure just taking in the city. It doesn’t hurt my ego any that the water vendor tries to flirt with me and evidently appreciates what he sees - but I laugh it off and move on.

I still need time. (not that I would start with an Italian water vendor either!) I need Loren’s absence to sink down into my very bones, to feel it – and then release it.

His absence has penetrated my muscles; my skin notices his touch is gone and arms that would stretch out to hold and be held knows that he is gone…. but my very marrow - it doesn’t quite know it yet. When that happens, the ache - like all bone pain - will not be ignored. Still, I will bear it and let it seep in - and out again.

Then I will truly be a single woman.

1 comment:

  1. I'm moved by your ability to express yourself. I don't know if I can respond with words that come close. But what I can say is that we think of you and pray for you constantly. You aren't alone in this journey.


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