Thanksgiving weekend.

Thanksgiving weekend. 

Am I thankful this year?  It is good for me to reflect on that exactly when I am mourning.  In the midst of deep loss, I remember the ways in which we were readied for the journey we’re now on.

I was driven to go back to school, become a nurse and be able to earn an income.  This is now needed, and supplied.  Loren and I worked away from home at various times and learned how to be apart, sleep apart, and manage without daily seeing each other.  Now this is permanent.  My closest friend in University was walking through the valley of the shadow of death throughout our education because her husband has end stage cancer.  I learned so very much from her about suffering, dying, how your life changes, how you function even when it hurts….

I am so grateful for the ways we were prepared.

I am grateful for the overwhelming support and love expressed during Loren’s illness and death and the continued prayers and kindnesses. 

I am grateful that a niece has come to live with us so my daughter will not be alone when I am gone during the week with my new job.

I am grateful for my girls and Mike, and Darragh- who add joy into Bryn and Cammie’s lives.

I am grateful for tears, tears shared.  I am grateful for memories of tender love from my family.

Yes, I feel all this….  It is strange that it can coexist with loss- deep loss, but it does. 

I am grateful for God, for Love, that carries me even when I can’t feel that, and the loss seems stronger.

Blessed Be Your Name

Blessed be Your name
in the land that is plentiful
Where your streams of abundance flow
blessed be Your name

and blessed be Your name
when I'm found in the desert place
though I walk through the wilderness
blessed be Your name

every blessing You pour out I'll turn back to praise
an when the darkness closes in Lord still I will say:
blessed be the name of the Lord
blessed be Your name
blessed be the name of the Lord
blessed be Your glorious name

and blessed be your name
when the sun's shining down on me
when the world's "all as it should be"
blessed be your name

and blessed be your name
on the road marked with suffering
though there's pain in the offering
blessed be your name

every blessing you pour out I'll turn back to praise
when the darkness closes in Lord still I will say:
blessed be the name of the Lord
blessed be your name
blessed be the name of the Lord
blessed be your glorious name

you give and take away
you give and take away
my heart will choose to say:
blessed be your name (blessed be your name lord)

Matt Redmann