Loren & Felicia

Loren & Felicia

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

The Pain That Waiting Brings....

Loren was sleeping throughout the day with frequent pain pump doses. He was calm while people were singing, first with a piano that was wheeled into the room with Estuardo playing and later with a guitar, played by brother Tim.

Loren unexpectedly woke up saying he wanted to go to Jesus and that he had to pee. He started laughing saying he beat us to seeing Jesus. Someone said "say hi to Him from me" and Loren said "Hey dude."

Loren had been cooler and pale but now hotter and flushed.

The doctor came in and figured Loren's passing would not be imminent. I was frustrated for not being listened to and even more frustrated when told the Doctor wanted to discuss things with me or my daughter. I was not feeling respected and did not want to get into a conversation with her. I was also mad at having to feel mad at this time. Some would say I needed to work it out. I would say its pretty darn OK to feel whatever way I feel and its not my job to make everyone else comfortable. I have a more important job to do right now.

Loren became agitated, got up, was mad and not himself and kind of suspicious of me.

He has a rigid abdomen which indicates something has changed abdominally. Could be infection, obstruction or other possibilities. Now Loren was only clammy. He settled somewhat on his own, got back in bed, is more cooperative and is agreeing to a sedative. Sedation at least until noon tomorrow, possibly longer.

I will sleep at the hospital but expect the nurses will call me.

I am committed to journey through this and feel what must be felt even though sometimes its anger, sometimes great hurt, always sorrow and sometimes actual joy. I am committed to be honest and to let you see what this journey is really like. I may stumble and fall but I know Love and that we are still loved.


There is currently a sign-up sheet in the family room at the hospital (Loren is in the east wing, 3rd floor, room 29) for people to offer to stay with Loren/Felicia, so that neither will be alone. This will allow Felicia time to take a break, get some very needed rest, knowing that Loren is not alone. It will also allow the girls a break, too. Should you want to offer a few hours, please contact:

Becky: bgoertzen@gmail.com or Carla: carlad@mts.net

The times are covered through tomorrow noonish.
Felicia is now sleeping in a separate quiet room. Please continue to pray, most especially for Felicia and the girls. They all desperately need rest, and peace so they can.


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