Loren & Felicia

Loren & Felicia

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

My Eulogy

My love. We learned so much about how to be what we CAN be.

I learned how to accept love - an unconditional - constant-undiminishing love and you didn't have to be me - either. It was better that you weren't.

I had to find the courage to start on the path towards God's call for me - even though you couldn't understand all the new pieces in my world. I had to accept that though I grew- you could still really know me and we would still be bonded. I had to trust that the language of the heart was more fluid- more able- than all the other types of language and its properties were not diminished in the presence of philosophy, science, politics and scholarship.

I had to accept that - though my body changed - I fought endometriosis, anxiety-eating, and then that brain I was finally going to let shine - was stricken with the fog of depression...I had to accept that your love was stronger than any of that. And I relaxed into it.

And you, my love, you got to work with wood - and to be self-employed. Your talents had chances to shine. First as a father. My God! You were a great father - and I am so glad, now - we started that early. You and I - we both were so drawn to people of other cultures - and to having people share our home. We were such a great team at that. You had the chance to make some mighty fine furniture. You learned a lot about wine. Oh my love. We had a rich rich life. Yes - there were years of struggle - and money stress is a nasty, nasty curse. But we loved our life - sharing as much as we could. We wouldn't have it any other way. It brings us so much joy.

And so my love - your unfailing love allows me freedom to walk forward and continue to live.

I will miss you sharply, keenly and terribly in the time ahead - but I will still choose to enjoy life. To enjoy people.

I will not forget the lessons we learned together.


My heart was too full - now I can sleep.

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